Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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