"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
