feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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