Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
