You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
