Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
