dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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