im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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