We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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