so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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