I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
