either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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