You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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