At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's shark week go big or go home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
