This girl is more easily done than said...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
