You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
