I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
