maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I could make wine with my vomit
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize