i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
