Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
