Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
