P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
