So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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