I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
