She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
