why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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