1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
