SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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