so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
