Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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