There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
