no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
