After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
