Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
