my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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