I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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