..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
