Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
