this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
