good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
