I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize