get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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