Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
