Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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