I want to have your abortion
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
