even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
