While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
