My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
