you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
