The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize