I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How external is "for external use only"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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