OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
