Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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