I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wear drunk well.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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