just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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