therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
