she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
