Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
