And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
