Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
