Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
