# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
