at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
